Friends….

I have always had a lot of friends. My mother taught me how. She had a lot of friends, but that isn’t how she taught me. I wasn’t fond of how she taught me. She always made me go up to people and introduce myself, and try to involve them in my group, or whatever I was doing. She taught me how to read people very well. She could read people so easily. My face never could hide anything from her. But I learned how to hide it from everyone. I am talented that way. 🙂  I won’t go into the training anymore, but I will say this: I am glad for the lesson because it taught me to be who I am today with people. I want to be around people. I like to know who they are. I am not afraid to meet anyone. I know that everyone has something to talk about, they have a life story that is amazing. There isn’t one person that doesn’t need a friend.

Sucker. I have always been led by my heart. I didn’t learn from my Mom that you have to be careful with people, that you can be nice, and caring, but you have to be on guard at first. Not everyone becomes your best friend right away. I have always struggled with that. I give of myself too easily. I don’t even have a guard up until the initial blow. Then it is up, but the friendship isn’t broken. But should it be? What is a friend? What is an acquaintance? I have a hard time telling the difference. I am learning the difference as I am getting older and my eyes are getting clearer that way.

I am also sad to say that I have observed that since I am not around like I used to be, lots of people, aren’t around like they used to be. So acquaintance? I guess. Who knows. Does it matter? Really it doesn’t.

I have also learned how many friends I do have. More than most. I wish I could post on FB everything that is done for me. I almost feel like it would be showing off. Niki Cloud….It is almost unbelievable what that woman does. I should just write a journal of the things she does. A servant of God. A friend who doesn’t ask anything in return. Who just is a true friend. Have we hurt each others feelings? Yes. Forgive? Of course. That is what friends do. That is what Christians are supposed to do. We are more than friends though. Our bond is sisterly.

I have more friends, my college friends. The ones who I have known so long. We have gone through a lot together. The kind you pick up where we left off kind. The kind that runs to you when you are hurting. Where you laugh so hard your stomach hurts. You cry so hard together that your eyes can hurt.

Tonya, the one that we can be far away and still get the same hair cut without knowing it, buy the same type of clothes, basically share the same brain. Even got married on the same day, at the same time. We look like sisters too. We think we may share the same dad (just kidding). But we have been through the toughest times of our lives together.

Tara, Amber, Carolyn,Jennifer, Jill, Jenn,Jeanie the list goes on and on of the ones in my world my town now. And what did I do to deserve it? God just knew I would need help in this world. Let’s talk of my best friend in the whole world, Luke. Well let’s just say, he is and he is amazing.

When making a list of friends, I always worry about hurting people’s feelings. You know it does. Hurting my friends is the very last thing I would try to do, and yet, I still do. Why? I don’t return phone calls, get to emails fast, don’t text back. I forget. I honestly forget. My brain sucks. I don’t know how many ways I can say it. My brain is messed up. I forget to. If I am texting someone, and I get another text, I have to close it so I can finish. I may forget that I had another text. I don’t do it to one friend. I do it to Luke too. Even when he asks me a question that he really needed to answer. I can’t help it.

Excuses: Why do people make excuses? Well I used to always say, I don’t like excuses. Just make it right. Well I need excuses because I need to help people understand why I didn’t do it, or why this, or why that. I want to be a Mom. I want to do things with the kids so that they don’t just remember me in my brown recliner. They know I forget things. That I am too weak to sit at the dinner table, too weak to do anything in the evening but go to the bathroom, and that with help of Daddy. I want to help them do something. So making a phone call, may not be on my agenda. I may be talking with them, reading to them. Or whatever. I like to spend an hour with my husband. He is exhausted from doing everything. Now sometimes I don’t mind. This isn’t everytime, I am just explaining some things.

This sounds so crabby doesn’t it? I guess I just feel like I have lost friends over MS. I have lost friends over this. But my friend, Cid posted something the other day that something along the lines of I would rather have 4 quarters over 100 pennies  (meaning I would rather have 4 good friends than 100 just acquaintances. ) I deleted over 100 “friends” on FB the other day. I know they didn’t notice and I don’t really mind. They were only on there because…well I went to high school with them, or whatever.

This is going to sound conceited, but the people reading this and know me will know I say this: I don’t understand when people don’t like me, because I am Rachel, and I am not mean to anyone. UNLESS YOU JACK WITH MY KIDS, and then I am going to hurt you, and because this online, I can’t say what I really wanted to say. But I want to go to heaven bad enough to not do that anyway. But I wouldn’t recommend it. I also wouldn’t recommend hurting my friends and family.

LOYALTY  I would say that is a characteristic of me as a friend. I love you my friends.